Un jour

Today I woke up with a bad attitude. I was (still am) sick, tired, and cranky. But God had lessons to teach me today and though I may not have learned them perfectly, at least I learned something.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have the best friends a person could ask for and a loving family that is interested in my life. I am smart, athletic (most of the time), and in good health. A cold is not a big deal, I'm saying I don't have a terminal illness or something like that. I know that I have a God I can run to and rely on whenever I need to. Lately I have been forgetting all this. I have been focusing only on the negative and wallowing in self-pity. What a sad sinful human I am....pathetic. I want so badly to break out of this rut and to rejoice in my Savior and his wondrous love. Hopefully the lessons I have learned over the past few days will help me do this. But it is not something I can do on my own....
I need you Lord. I need You to take everything I hold back and make it something new. Reshape my heart and mind and set every thought and action on You. You know that the plans I have for myself are silly and do not even compare to the plans that you have for my life. I want your plans, your carefully wrought and perfect plans that, while they may bring pain, are so much more than I could ever imagine. For You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to bring/give me a hope and a future. You know the deepest desires of my heart and you put them there for a reason. you will not leave me disappointed, unsatisfied and wanting with life, You will fill me up until I overflow.

I want Your will Lord. Take my life from this day forward and make it Yours.

That's what I love about Sundays

Today has been good.
Other than being sick I got quite a bit of work done with homework and the like. And I even got to fit in a movie with my two favorite people :D
So today was good. It's not quite over yet since I plan to stay up for a bit and do homework. But we'll see how well that goes.
I'm tired
and my throat hurts
so I'm gonna end this now.

Adventure!

So today was adventure of epic proportions. It started out with a simple visit to SBC with Justin. We went to the fall festival, talked with Kyle and Sara some, swang on the swings, and just talked. Then the epicness started. We were both hungry but we decided to make a Walmart run before we headed back to the Arbor. Cough drops and contact solution were on the agenda. Unfortunately, on the way there, silly Rachel went over a few too many pothole and all of a sudden....wow my car sounds quite loud. Then we hear metal dragging and pull over to find out my muffler and exhaust pipe have completely rusted off. Ooh yay! So now I'm driving my seemingly VERY loud car around and feeling like a big dork. That was pretty much the most epic part of my day.
Needless to say we still made our Walmart run and even took the time to look at halloween and books before we left.
Got back. Made mac and cheese. Watched Dead Poet Society. Got drugged up on cough drops (well that's just me). And now I'm lying here on my futon, wishing my roomie were in here with me, because I can't breathe, I can't focus, and I don't feel good!

The past few days have been wonderful. God has blessed me with the most AMAZING friends and family and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I know that I say this a lot in here but I don't care. I love them and I want to stay with them for the rest of my life. I refuse to let them be the friends who just fade over time once we graduate...no, I won't let it happen.

So life is good. I haven't gotten any homework done today but my motto for today is Carpe Diem. I need to loosen up every once in a while and today is that day. Tomorrow I will try to get some work done. If I feel good enough to get out of bed :/

Oh well, God is good, all the time.

Matthew 6:34

Isaiah 40:30-31

just some verses I luv

Adorkablilty

I have decided as of late that I am what you might consider adorkable. First, I am complete nerd. I love balancing chemistry equations, drawing electron configurations and orbital notations, proofreading papers, playing word games, and reading books on the from and structure of words and their latin roots. Yah, pretty much a geek. Secondly I am a kid at heart. Swings, sandboxes, playing duck duck goose or freeze tag. *sigh* they make me happy. I love to be around kids to. They warm my heart and make me see the good that is in the world. They make me melt...I can still remember the campers that would crawl up in my lap at camp and tell me "You're gonna be a great mom someday" or "I wish you were my mom/teacher". *sigh* So do I. I remember them slipping their hands in mine as we would walk along the lake to breakfast. The night we were up later than usual because somebody was homesick and just needed to sit and be held for a little bit. The "bedtime preparations" that involved a certain cabin of mine attacking me and tickling me until I could barely breathe. Kids are so wonderful and so full of life. I can't wait till the days I have my own children to love, nurture, care for, and watch grow up.
I love to laugh, giggle, chuckle, titter, whatever you call it. Whether that is laughing at myself or a good friend, it matters not. I especially act like a kid when it gets late at night....something about night makes me revert back to my younger years :D.
I love balloons
bubble wrap
homemade birthday cakes
hugs
family
playing ball with dad in the front yard.
late night talks with my sister in our room
stargazing
baking cookies with mom
just talking with mom (she's the greatest mom ever btw....no comparison)
when my older bro slips up and actually shows me I might be a "cool" sister after all
watching my sister grow more gorgeous every day
seeing my parents still hold hands"giggle" that is so great!

but most of all
I love knowing that I have a God who cares about me. Who loves me more than I love anything on this earth, even my family and friends! Who cared enough about me to make a HUGE sacrifice and send His son to die on the cross for my stupid and willful sin. Who is my daddy, who calls me His own, His precious, His daughter, a princess.

Man am I lucky. To have a God like that...boy oh boy.

I love you.....

Letting go...

Today was my busiest day of the week. It was stressful to say the least and its still not done yet but I'm chuggin along somehow. Having an amazing roomie helps, she makes life fun and enjoyable. I wish I could be more like her. She is so carefree and loving all the time. I just feel like a debbie downer most of the time. But the past few days have been getting better. I'm partially forcing myself to be in a good mood but it seems to be working.

Small group went really well tonight. Emilee and Tasha are completely awesome. They are spunky, individual, open, and fun. I think our group is going to be really really good. God has been blessing me with a lot of great things lately.

So tonight is a major homework night. I don't have a lot of time during the day to do work now that I am accompanying so I guess nights are my only option. Except for most nights are filled with classes. So yah, things are kinda crazy.

But I'm going to attempt and do some work for now.

God of Wonders

Tonight I went to Lime Lake with my two bestest friends and it was amazing. Besides being slightly scared of the dark and noises all was peaceful and well. Actually, there was a lot of screaming as Allie and I first go into the water but after that it was quiet. I am so amazed at God's creation. I commented tonight that we are lucky God didn't leave creation up to up because it would be so boring. There are so many infinite ways that God used to express His beauty and wonder. Think of the variety of things God created for us to enjoy: starry skies, laughter, a baby's smile, bouquets of flowers, warm hugs, sunrises and sunsets, lakes, mountains, trees, colors in general. God did not have to make these things remotely interesting or pretty but He chose to form a world for us that is full of new, beautiful, and fascinating things. I think beauty also confirms that fact that we indeed have an "intelligent designer", for what other purpose does beauty serve than to please the human eye and leave us satisfied. It would not be created through evolution because it is not a necessary "trait" in order for nature to flourish or survive. God made beauty for us to make us feel special. It lets us know that there is a God out there who cared enough to pay attention to every little detail, from the smallest blade of grass, to the deepest blue of the oceans.

I am so thankful we have such an amazing God who above all is merciful on a sinner like me. He loves me through thick and thin, no matter how many times I screw up or how far I try to run away He is always there waiting for me to turn around. Turn around and cry "Daddy!" as I run into His loving, saving embrace. *sigh*

Dads are the best.

Homework party"ish"

So I'm doing homework. Or trying to, something like that. I'm sick and tired of reading and I never want to see another book again. Unfortunately that is impossible right now. Most of my classes are ok but history will be the death of me. I hate it with a passion, the most I've probably hated anything in my entire life. It is not necessarily the history part but the fact that I cannot for the life of me remember anything that is said in that class and, as a result, I epic failed on my first quiz. Meh.

I just wish college were easy sometimes. The challenge is part of the fun I guess....just not right now.

So my mood is pretty much blah and homework is sucking the life out of me.....
Better get back to it....

blah

I'm lonely without my roomie. And I miss my parents
The end

Sunny Skies

The sun is out. That makes me happy.
Last night was a long night. I am so blessed to have the best friend in the whole wide world to be there for me when I need them, though I may not realize it at the moment and I may fight it wholeheartedly. I am so so so thankful that I have Kimmee, Justin, Allie, Eric, etc. in my life. I love them with all I have and I hope we all stay together FOREVER!
Classes have gone fairly well today. The only "bad" thing is that I have to memorize a list of 21 polyatomic ions, their names, and their charge for my next chemistry exam. Sounds fun huh?

I was supposed to accompany a lot today but some people didn't show so now I have some free time. I'm going to try to spend some time with God and then get some homework done before lunch and Jazz band. Speaking of which, I better get on that ....

La Dee Da

Today has been going well so far. Our Chem lab this morning was fairly easy and we didn't really have any problems. And even though I was a little worried about my chem exam (I screwed up the time I was going to take it) and such I talk with my prof and it is all going to work out fine. Today is going to be a busy day though. I have history, my chem exam, choir, dinner, and then class. But it shouldn't be too bad. I'm going to try to fit in some devos now so that I don't stress out in the middle of the day.

I am very at peace with things this morning. It is nice.

Crazyness!

Well I was actually de-stressing quite a bit until I found out about my accompanying assignments. I have 6 students I'm accompanying for which is not bad, but the realization of 3 more hours taken away during the week kind of threw me for a loop. So I kind of had a freak out session last night and it was epic. I'm still a little nervous this morning but I'm doing better. I have piano lessons again today and I actually feel somewhat prepared. heh. And Arbor games are also today, and a chem meeting tonight, and an Action Jackson meeting tonight. and I still have to finish reading my history chapter. and studying for chem......AAAHHH!!!

Cough drops, crocs, and Christ

That is me list of all I need for the day. Cough drops, because living in close proximity with a bunch of other people lead ti icky sickness. Crocs because I don't believe it will ever stop raining, EVER. Christ because He is the only one who will be able to get me through these next few days and weeks. I need to learn to lean on Him like I never have before. I need to be constantly reminded of that through daily struggles but it is good for me. Like the songs states "I will stumble, I will fall down, but I will not be moved". I have my resolve set now to flee from whatever temptation come my way. I'm sick of waiting and praying for God to come save me and yet not doing anything about it at all. He gives me opportunities to get out of my trouble but I just push them to the side without a second glance. He has given me AMAZING friends that at this point are beyond words. Yet I have been stubborn, refusing to listen to them because I believe I can do things on my own.

I am wrong. I am desperately wrong. There is nothing I can do without Christ my Savior and to not recognize that fact would be devastating. I need to turn and run to Him with all my hurt, distrust, loneliness, desperation, and rejection for He is the only one who can meet my needs. Worldly things cannot help me deal with these problems and I must learn to face my fears and trials face to face, and with God at my side. I must also put faith in my friends whom God has placed in my life to give me help along the way with whatever challenge I am facing.

I am reminded of the sermon that Paster Mark preached yesterday. How we must answer the 3 "Really Big" questions before we even consider the three "Pretty Big" questions. I realized that this is very true in my own life and I need a refocusing of sorts.

But chemistry class is calling and so is my stomach, but I'm almost out of granola bars. meh. I'll have to start getting up earlier to make oatmeal. Which is ok.

I guess.

Keyboard Dreams

If only life had a backspace button....
Today has been an interesting day. I've been a complete jerk and a fool to a lot of my friends for which I am very very sorry. Me and mood swings don't really get along but that is no excuse for acting like I did. Thankfully now though I have had ANOTHER mood swing (yes, I'm insane today) and am on the upside of things. I'm pretty bored right now because for the past 2 hours all I've been doing is reading english and history...meh. I think I'm going to work on some Chemistry problems now because they make me happy :D And pretty soon it is open hours and hopefully I'll either go hang out with friends or they will come chill over here with me. But we'll have to see.

Its raining, its pouring.....

And I am none too happy about it. First off, my car leaks through the hood so right about now I probably have 1/2-2" of water on the floor of the passenger seat. And I'm supposed to be going into Jackson today.....fun. Plus the rain just makes it gloomy out. I woke up in a great mood and now it has been ruined. Oh well, such is life.

Last night was amazing. My roomie and I went mudsliding which turned out to be more like us rolling around in the wet grass (we couldn't find any mud) and getting soaked. Then, in honor of ANTM we did our own little photo shoot. Can you say epic? It was hilarious and to passersby we probably looked like crazy people as we stood on our head and rubbed our hair in the grass. But all the crazy looks were so worth it. My roomie is the best and I LOVE spending time doing crazy stuff with her. Once we got back we had a shower race and then we just chilled and looked at hair dye :D And we capped off the evening with the X-men movie, which we will probably have to finish tonight. Thank God for sweet roommates!

But now it is morning again and my once chipper mood is quickly sinking. I went to bed at 2:00 and woke up around 9 which was no fun. I really wish I could sleep more but its not meant to be. I'm kinda sad and lonely right now because Allie is still sleeping and nobody is up yet. I don't like being alone.

Well I have things I need to do......

A Brand New Day

Things are better this morning. Though I still feels sick as a dog at least I made it through the night, mostly by the help of an amazing friend. I have been praying that God would give me a way out lately and He has been faithful in doing just that. But I am also learning that God is not going to give me a "get out of jail free " card. He wants me to fight, to struggle, to learn what it is like to depend on Him for my strength. And let me just say, it has never been harder. But He never leaves me alone, He is always be my side ready to step in front of the train that is headed towards my life as soon as I give the word. Some days that is easier than others, and hopefully today won't be as much of a challenge. But that is my reflection for this early morning and hopefully it isn't too tainted with the lack of coherence that has resulted from being sick.

I have class in a few minutes and I haven't eaten yet. Or looked in the mirror, or done much of anything.....

Struggling

Tonight is rough so far. Class was okay, just long. Now my mood is going haywire though. Its no fun....its all I can to sit here and focus on breathing. So I better so that....

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour

Last time I was here I was tired and bored. Today is pretty much the same but not so much tired. I have had very little homework and as nice as that is it's also a bit frustrating. Right now the only homework I have is to read 1 chapter (30 pages) of my history book to prepare for a quiz NEXT Thursday. I am trying to get some work done on Chemistry as well since we have an exam next week and, even though he hasn't assigned anything, I'm sure I will need to study. But other than that life is good. I had a theater club meeting tonight as well as a housing crew meeting. I'm excited for theater to get moving this semester with auditions for the fall play in 2 weeks. Its going to be amazing. Anyways, I'm bored but I guess I might as well do some more Chemistry and read before I hit the sack. ugh

But before I go I want to let you know God is awesome. He gets you through EVERYTHING no matter how great or how small. And he overlooks your past which is amazing. Think of it this way. You might remember every little mistake you have made and sin you have done in the past but if you ask God "How can you love me when I did "this"?" His only response it "What are you talking about?" He doesn't remember, He has completely erased and forgotten it all because of the blood of His son Jesus. And when you tell Him that you have scars think of the fact that He knows, and He sees you as completely keepable anyways.....and then Jesus takes you into His arms and whispers "I have scars too......"

Bed time

well not really. But I've learned today that sitting in bed and IMing with a blanket over you and your teddy bear by your side equal a very sleepy Rachel. But I'm fighting the urge to nap by talking with friends and its nice to just relax and chill. Soon enough the semester will get very busy and I won't have this kind of down time.

8 simple rules for college life

1. Do not take 2 hour naps every single day. They make you more tired and throw you internal clock off.
2. Exercise in some form. You WILL gain the freshman 15 if you don't at least walk once a day.
3. Study hard and don't procrastinate. Homework that is put off becomes twice as bad as it originally was.
4. But also make time for play. Don't be so obsessive about grades that you don't have any fun. Hang out with friends and take the time to develop lasting relationships.
5. Get involved. Whether with your intramural team, service projects, or student government do something on campus. It will make your experience much more memorable.
6. Try something new. You never know what you'll fall in love with if you never give it a chance so go out there and conquer the world.
7. Start out classes with gen ed. requirements. Its ok to have an idea of a major in mind but it will probably change so its best to find out what you are interested in your first year and then go from there.
8. Live life to the fullest and give God all you have. He will be there for you through all the laughter and tears that college bring and will help keep you on your feet.

So tonight we had an "8 simple dips" party with my floor and watched "8 Simple Rules". Its was a blast. But now I'm tired and a little emotional . What to do....

God you are my God

As usual God has a way of working things out. I've been getting a LOT better, its a slow process but at least it's happening. I can't wait for my cousin to get here tonight because we are going to have a blast!

Today is Saturday which means the weekend, which is supposed to be relaxing enjoyable, and lovely. But unfortunately for me it is none of those. One of my best friends in the whole world is acting like I don't exist and because of that and a lot of other things I am utterly falling apart. But as usual I'm dealing with it......

Well after a lovely nap and some great time with God I am feeling a lot better about school and life in general. I just got done painting my nails and they are adorable if I may say so. Now I think I'm going to read ahead in History and Chem so I don't feel too much pressure from homework this weekend. But man am I hungry....maybe I'll grab a bite to eat first....

Rough days can be good for you....

Today has started out not so good. We took a test in Chemistry that I practically failed because I had no idea what any of the questions were even talking about. So that was no fun. Then I had history class and that went ok, I think I will dread it less than expected. Now I don't have any classes till 6:30 and I'm not looking forward to that one at all. Plus there are a lot of odds and ends things I need to do. But I'm gonna go spend time with God now because I desperately need it.

One more day.....

I am officially moved back into the Arbor now! My roomie Allie got here yesterday and it has been really nice to have her around. So basically this is how my past few days have gone...

Sunday: Got back from the fishing trip around 6 and had company over for a few hours so packing was not an option at that point. Company leaves and I go to work like crazy throwing things in my car. I go to bed late and can barely get to sleep because I'm so excited.

Monday: I get up early to pack, shower etc. After helping my dad change the oil and filter in my car I get on the road about 11:00. When I arrive at SAU I unpack, put my futon together, and go to my first meeting.

Tuesday: More unpacking, meetings, celebration chapel, and a little debbie party with my other sophomore friends. Watch "Bringing Up Baby" with Allie until 12:30 and then off to bed.

Wednesday: Up at 7, shower, more meetings. Lunch and the lo-down and then just chilling with friends. Allie and I made our own lunch today of broiled brook trout and it was amazing!!!!

That is all up to this point. In about an hour I am headed to Arbor nights to meet all the freshman and Allie and I might go swimming tonight. Classes start in the morning and I have a Chemistry Lab at 7:45....way too early. But it should be fun and I am excited to get the semester started. Now I'm gonna tidy up more before I gotta go....