Lonely for the last time

So yesterday and today were for the most part the most boring days of my life. I spent probably5 hours doing homework yesterday and it'll probably be around 8 hours of homework by the time I feel accomplished today. Notice I didn't day I would be done...I would just feel accomplished.

Last night was amazing though. After working all day I had Carolyn over and we watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Then we proceeded to have a deep conversation about life, the future, guys, kids, etc. It was epically awesome. We ended up staying up till 3:00 am just talking. It was really refreshing to have someone to talk to after being cooped up in my room by myself all day. I love Carolyn. She is like a breath of fresh air. I love how she listen to me and doesn't judge me, just takes what I have at face value and tells me her true opinion on things. She's a great friend and I hope to grow closer to her this semester and in the years to come.

But now I'm lonely. I don't neccessarily want someone here right now to talk to, but I would just like someone to sit here, be here, just another body in the room so if I wanted to talk I could. But I guess Marshmallow will have to do for now...

I feel like I have done a lot this weekend but I really have nothing to show for it. Basically it's just a bunch of Chemistry problems and a LOT of reading and notes for education. I guess I just really want someone to come up to me and tell me I've done okay. Tell me that I did a good job in focusing this weekend. I don't want to be a person who needs validation but in this instance I'm dying for someone to give me a big hug and ...well I dunno.

*sigh* I'm just drained. I slept in today but I still feel a little bit tired. I'm almost over being sick I think so that will be nice. I'm getting emotional right now because I haven't really expressed emotion all weekend. I've been in my room blank as a slate as I work on problems and type notes. I need to get out all my emotional energy somehow. Maybe a good cry will do it....

And now I'm rambling, sounding like a broken record, and having a pathetic pity party so I'm gonna go. Another set of Chemistry problems, studying history, and reading sonnets are next on my agenda....

It could be a long night

Forgotten...

I feel like it has been forever since I have blogged but it has actually only been a few days. But I guess a few days can feel like a long time....I know how that works right now...
Both of my best friends have gone or are going home for the weekend. I'm happy for them, but I miss them terribly. My roommate will be back later tonight but she's leaving tomorrow to go home. Justin left today and its odd not to be having a homework party with him in the lounge right now. But they will both be back soon and the balance will be restored lol.
I sound very pathetic right now and I don't mean to give the impression that I'm depressed. I'm not really sad at all, I just miss them. When people are important in your life you can't help but notice when they are gone. Its like walking into your room and your bed is missing...or something like that :D.
But I'm hoping to get a lot of homework done this weekend...hoping. I have lots of work to do in every class so I shouldn't be bored at all.
I miss my mom and family as well. I haven't gotten to talk to any of them in almost 2 weeks. My mom is in Costa Rica, she called this morning and we talked for maybe a minute because I had to go to class. I can't wait till she gets back so I can catch her up on life and she can tell me about her trip.
I get to go home in 2 weeks and I am counting down the days. Justin, Britta, and possibly David are coming with me and I'm excited. I have so much fun stuff I wanna do from canoing to walks on the beach. It will be a memorable weekend for sure.
Tonight I am going to watch a movie with Carolyn and work on some homework. I haven't gotten to hang out with her in a while so it'll be nice to catch up and spend time with each other. I miss her :D
Seems I am doing a lot of missing this weekend.......
I wonder if anyone ever misses me.....

Un jour

Today I woke up with a bad attitude. I was (still am) sick, tired, and cranky. But God had lessons to teach me today and though I may not have learned them perfectly, at least I learned something.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life. I have the best friends a person could ask for and a loving family that is interested in my life. I am smart, athletic (most of the time), and in good health. A cold is not a big deal, I'm saying I don't have a terminal illness or something like that. I know that I have a God I can run to and rely on whenever I need to. Lately I have been forgetting all this. I have been focusing only on the negative and wallowing in self-pity. What a sad sinful human I am....pathetic. I want so badly to break out of this rut and to rejoice in my Savior and his wondrous love. Hopefully the lessons I have learned over the past few days will help me do this. But it is not something I can do on my own....
I need you Lord. I need You to take everything I hold back and make it something new. Reshape my heart and mind and set every thought and action on You. You know that the plans I have for myself are silly and do not even compare to the plans that you have for my life. I want your plans, your carefully wrought and perfect plans that, while they may bring pain, are so much more than I could ever imagine. For You know the plans You have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to bring/give me a hope and a future. You know the deepest desires of my heart and you put them there for a reason. you will not leave me disappointed, unsatisfied and wanting with life, You will fill me up until I overflow.

I want Your will Lord. Take my life from this day forward and make it Yours.

That's what I love about Sundays

Today has been good.
Other than being sick I got quite a bit of work done with homework and the like. And I even got to fit in a movie with my two favorite people :D
So today was good. It's not quite over yet since I plan to stay up for a bit and do homework. But we'll see how well that goes.
I'm tired
and my throat hurts
so I'm gonna end this now.

Adventure!

So today was adventure of epic proportions. It started out with a simple visit to SBC with Justin. We went to the fall festival, talked with Kyle and Sara some, swang on the swings, and just talked. Then the epicness started. We were both hungry but we decided to make a Walmart run before we headed back to the Arbor. Cough drops and contact solution were on the agenda. Unfortunately, on the way there, silly Rachel went over a few too many pothole and all of a sudden....wow my car sounds quite loud. Then we hear metal dragging and pull over to find out my muffler and exhaust pipe have completely rusted off. Ooh yay! So now I'm driving my seemingly VERY loud car around and feeling like a big dork. That was pretty much the most epic part of my day.
Needless to say we still made our Walmart run and even took the time to look at halloween and books before we left.
Got back. Made mac and cheese. Watched Dead Poet Society. Got drugged up on cough drops (well that's just me). And now I'm lying here on my futon, wishing my roomie were in here with me, because I can't breathe, I can't focus, and I don't feel good!

The past few days have been wonderful. God has blessed me with the most AMAZING friends and family and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I know that I say this a lot in here but I don't care. I love them and I want to stay with them for the rest of my life. I refuse to let them be the friends who just fade over time once we graduate...no, I won't let it happen.

So life is good. I haven't gotten any homework done today but my motto for today is Carpe Diem. I need to loosen up every once in a while and today is that day. Tomorrow I will try to get some work done. If I feel good enough to get out of bed :/

Oh well, God is good, all the time.

Matthew 6:34

Isaiah 40:30-31

just some verses I luv

Adorkablilty

I have decided as of late that I am what you might consider adorkable. First, I am complete nerd. I love balancing chemistry equations, drawing electron configurations and orbital notations, proofreading papers, playing word games, and reading books on the from and structure of words and their latin roots. Yah, pretty much a geek. Secondly I am a kid at heart. Swings, sandboxes, playing duck duck goose or freeze tag. *sigh* they make me happy. I love to be around kids to. They warm my heart and make me see the good that is in the world. They make me melt...I can still remember the campers that would crawl up in my lap at camp and tell me "You're gonna be a great mom someday" or "I wish you were my mom/teacher". *sigh* So do I. I remember them slipping their hands in mine as we would walk along the lake to breakfast. The night we were up later than usual because somebody was homesick and just needed to sit and be held for a little bit. The "bedtime preparations" that involved a certain cabin of mine attacking me and tickling me until I could barely breathe. Kids are so wonderful and so full of life. I can't wait till the days I have my own children to love, nurture, care for, and watch grow up.
I love to laugh, giggle, chuckle, titter, whatever you call it. Whether that is laughing at myself or a good friend, it matters not. I especially act like a kid when it gets late at night....something about night makes me revert back to my younger years :D.
I love balloons
bubble wrap
homemade birthday cakes
hugs
family
playing ball with dad in the front yard.
late night talks with my sister in our room
stargazing
baking cookies with mom
just talking with mom (she's the greatest mom ever btw....no comparison)
when my older bro slips up and actually shows me I might be a "cool" sister after all
watching my sister grow more gorgeous every day
seeing my parents still hold hands"giggle" that is so great!

but most of all
I love knowing that I have a God who cares about me. Who loves me more than I love anything on this earth, even my family and friends! Who cared enough about me to make a HUGE sacrifice and send His son to die on the cross for my stupid and willful sin. Who is my daddy, who calls me His own, His precious, His daughter, a princess.

Man am I lucky. To have a God like that...boy oh boy.

I love you.....

Letting go...

Today was my busiest day of the week. It was stressful to say the least and its still not done yet but I'm chuggin along somehow. Having an amazing roomie helps, she makes life fun and enjoyable. I wish I could be more like her. She is so carefree and loving all the time. I just feel like a debbie downer most of the time. But the past few days have been getting better. I'm partially forcing myself to be in a good mood but it seems to be working.

Small group went really well tonight. Emilee and Tasha are completely awesome. They are spunky, individual, open, and fun. I think our group is going to be really really good. God has been blessing me with a lot of great things lately.

So tonight is a major homework night. I don't have a lot of time during the day to do work now that I am accompanying so I guess nights are my only option. Except for most nights are filled with classes. So yah, things are kinda crazy.

But I'm going to attempt and do some work for now.